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Ubix

On Ubix, a billion light-years from earth, lives an issue of blob-like creatures of diverse colors. Because the Ubixians have pea-sized gelatinous brains, they believed their gods cursed the yellow blobs. (no one knew how this rumor began). The greens make up the elite stratum, being considered high-born.

The inhabitants are yellow or green on their pink planet, with a million shades between. Yet they developed an elaborate practice of favoring or disfavoring each other depending on their greenish or yellowish hue. They told proverbs that directed their offspring to accept their chromatic lot in life. Parents of globby greens would make annual sacrifices to the Ubixian gods, praying that their offspring would grow up solely to slime with other greens. The gods forbid that a yellow should slide in with them.

Folklore has it that the chief god of Ubix visited incognito as one of them. It took on a yellow blob form. The greens and many yellows (those who capitulated to the cultural lies) rejected the yellow appearing god-glob. The cloaked god was both amused and saddened by the blind ignorance of the planet’s occupants. After all, it had produced them as both colors. The olive and yellow officers nabbed the god, who looked just a worthless yellow blob, and squished the yellow ooze out of it until it died.

But a god blob can’t stay flat, so it reconstituted itself and went back to its celestial home. Now, if any Ubixian realizes they are both yellow and green at their core–(just like the god-blob), they are ready to molt. These uplifted blobs expand into a new continuation where neither yellow, green, nor any other distinction could isolate them. They are on equal foot stems, connected to the god blob, and precursors of Ubixian cultural insight.


 
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Posted by on January 24, 2022 in humor, Poetry, Short Story

 

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From the Hip

Probed! Probed!
butts holding phones --
Vibrating, gyrating
in Game-Boy tones
Bluetooth in your car --
pods on the ear --
anal probed, you are
by a jones severe

robocalls make insane
advertisements by the stream
to microwave your brain
with a radioactive beam.

Sound! Sound!
Tails you around --
a relentless bloodhound.
(& to it, you are bound!)
Satellites in the sky --
Towers on the earth --
Big Brother's prying eye
your children owned from birth

& what is this worth?
Vapid talk all the time?
a communication dearth
Used to cost a dime.


 
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Posted by on January 17, 2022 in humor, Poetry

 

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Obsequiousness Observed

The omega dog 
must nuzzle the alpha's rump for scraps. 

Sycophants prostrate with secret sneers,
groveling into rank - 
      flattering to fondle. 

Obsequious opportunists are petri dish parasites 
who also once tongued 
                   the alpha's toads;

Dough-faced clowns with brown noses, 
lap-dogging in tail-lifting smell-feasts, 

snappily smiling— 
slavishly sniveling— sneaking 

into the good graces of those, 
they deem delicious to betray, 

& finally, dominate—

A word game 
was used to learn the word obsequious.

But in this season of political hucksters, 
obsequiousness 
           is easily observed 

with smarmy scientists 
and technocrats heeling too,
                                              nosed.


 
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Posted by on January 5, 2022 in humor, Poetry, World News,

 

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Reading Between the Lines at a Christmas Dinner

edgy like a raging wedgie 
got my shorts in a wad, 
ride over you roughshod 
i can be a clod 
a bull in a china shop 
give you a karate chop - 
chop-chop, 
so you better stop it - 
it's time to drop it
...understand? 
before i get outa hand 
and 
i blow a gasket 
putting you in a casket 
a-tisket a-tasket 
go to hell in a hand basket 
best not risk it 
don't be a sh*t biscuit 
when my temper goes south 
i use my potty-mouth 
(*cuz i'm low on wit but i'll never admit it) 
opening a can-o-whoop-ass 
yours will be grass 
you better not trespass 
on me, who you can't figure 
i got a hair-trigger 
thinking my boys are bigger
 no tact or diplomacy
 cuz i'm crapulent, 
u see? 
gives me flatulency 
a leaky one
i'm no fun 
tear you a new one 
so yuz better run



 
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Posted by on December 26, 2021 in humor, Poetry

 

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