Navigating The Dating Gene Pool

21 Apr
when i discovered internet dating
the circular hysterics and
bovine balderdash

often dates lie about their age
and weight the profile pictures
twenty years out-of-date
lots of fluffy stuffing accumulation

(skinny doesn't do it for me, just the facts)
don't say you are forty-two if fifty-five
no matter how young you think you look
the driver license finks

or a few extra pounds for padding
if the picture reveals
a hundred and fifty pounder
but i meet two-fifty
can't hide that under baggy clothes
come clean, more of a chance
i prefer more meat on the bone

about forty dates in three months,
conservative estimate
no bragging went nuts after the divorce
but bone numbing and a juggling act chasing
the unicorn called chemistry

a woman friend of mine
talking about my dating frenetic schedule
(not a dating prospect herself)

said, you know what you are
i said, no

you're a man-whore

that ruffled me i stared back red-faced

she pressed on, (no filter - drinking spiced vodka)

what is it about you
you superman in the sack or something
(she assumed a lot of sack-action)
assuming makes an a$$...

blush tmi

braced myself that she might ask the size
no ducking from her
tongue loosened from vodka

i didn't have a getlucky scheme or silver bullet
not a practitioner of the kama sutra
or a don juan

just siesta laidback
i and me myself

.08 10/10
© Brian Peter Hodgkinson
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Posted by on April 21, 2022 in Poetry


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